I'll brb when I'm done being homeless and hungry.

I've got stories to tell.

I think I'm going to start doing these morning pages again. They're almost like a daily cleanse for the junk that wasn't weeded through in the subconscious the night before.

So I was having a weird dream this morning. I don't remember what happened before this part but I found it really weird. They were taking achievement points off of XBL for some reason and just making XBL into a social service. Just means to meeting people and not means to gloating about random garbage. I don't know. I just found that weird.

So I've fallen behind in my Nakama homework and I'm going to try to get caught up by the end of this week. Unrealistic? Maybe. But I've also fallen behind with my meteorology homework as well and I plan on getting that done in a few days.

I'm starting to get a pretty decent amount of sleep at night and I can feel it working wonders. About a week or so ago I was only getting 3 maybe 4 hours of sleep for about a month and I was getting overwhelmed and stressed easily. Not to mention I'd go through the day feeling sluggish. Anyways. I can feel it working wonders, sure. But I can also feel this rainy day working wonders. I want to go back to sleep. I seriously do. I might end up going back to bed after I'm done with exercise and this Nakama stuff. (though I doubt I'll be tired after exercise)

Oh! I just remembered the other part of my dream! I was back in Evansville visiting Brandon on his lunch break. Only I got there way before he got off and saw his car parked around the side of the building and I could also hear him talking. So for some unknown reason I got a cart and slammed it into some pile of stuff surrounded by scrap metal. I then gently rested the cart against the side of the car and ran off. Some woman wearing a red shirt came out of the building and I darted off into a different direction. I ended up hiding in a store in the aisles behind people and I have no idea how she found me. It was freaky like this woman had the nose of a bloodhound or something. She asked me what I was doing since she heard the ruckus and I told her that I was playing a joke on Brandon. She then got a call from him and he was asking if she found the person who slammed a cart into his car and that's when things got fuzzy and started to shift into a weird dream about angered mobs of tourists in floral shirts.

Yeah... I don't know

I know it's been a good month or so since my last post but I felt the need to share this.

( Horoscopicshits+news )

Each time I watch it, it's just as funny as the first...

*So I'm in a far better mood and in less of a rut than I was in my last entry.

*I just got done drawing tentacle porn on my friend's facebook. It wasnt going to be full of tentacle rape originally, but I guess penis envy kicked in and it turned into tentacle porn. Quite fun to draw actually.

*I'm actually getting ideas together of stuff to sell and I'm probably going to open an Etsy account here pretty soon.

*I still need a whole assload of money to get to ACEN. Originally I wanted to head to Evansville and drive up to Chicago with Brandon but that doesn't look like it'll be happening. So I'll probably be flying straight into Chicago. I'm thinking about looking into doing oddjobs around my area. But I wouldn't begin to know where to start.

*I'm hungry and I'm in the mood for REAL food. Like PASTA, BURGERS, EVEN CHOCOLATE! More like some steamed veggies, hardo bread, and some fresh fruit. Fresh fruit or apple sauce. Apple sauce is the shit.

*I've got fucking midterms coming up and I'm freaking out over Kanji and the two chapters we just covered in JPN201. I also need to finish the work for that damn SDV class so I can turn it in next Friday.

*I heard this in the gym today and I can't get it out of my head. Reminds me of Sunset.


[end]

I just now realized that I try too hard to replicate the feelings from memories instead of trying to create new ones.

I also realized that I try to replicate the feelings I used to get when I created artwork on a bi-daily basis instead of working with the flow of current work.

All I'm doing is moping around feeling sorry for myself instead of getting shit done. I need to just get myself back on track again instead of procrastinating, wasting time. I need to stop letting my life, goals and ambitions fly out the window.

I've pushed myself into this waiting-room like state. I don't know what I'm waiting on. For life to shower me with what I want? Probably. I know it's never going to happen so I might as well shove everything aside and get cracking. And put MY priorities before the priorities of EVERYONE else. I'm not saying that I'm going to only do for me. I'm just saying that I'm going to be doing more for myself instead of expecting or waiting for things to change.

I still need a whole shit-ton of money if I want to get my ass to ACEN. I'm thinking about selling my soul to the benevolent Satan for a few thousand. Either that or make some sketches or someshit to sell while I wait for word of a job. I've been looking for a job since fucking November and had one, but had to give it up because it involved selling knives. And I live with my parents who are overbearing and try to dictate my every movement without thinking about my wants or needs. The job would have given me at least 17 dollars per one hour session. It's not like I would have been dealing drugs or anything of the like. But anyways... I hate the idea of making stuff just to sell but I guess it's better to sell sketches and stuff than my snatch on the street corner. ...Not that I was considering it.

And I still need to make a whole shit-ton of money if I want to get to Schaumburg by this fall. I hear it's cheaper living in Schaumburg than it is downtown Chicago. So whatever is cheaper and gets me where I want to be. Maybe if I were living in a box, I could con the government out of some money. I hate talking about money since I hate the stuff. But it seems you can't do JACK SHIT without it.

I'm REALLY looking forward to moving out. Seriously.

dominath tagged me with this thingy.

1. PSO
Well PSO was like... A drug for me for the longest. I think I pretty much played nonstop for the greater part of two years. Which is pretty scary now that I look back on it. Nothing has quite replicated the feeling I used to get while playing PSO. I kind of miss it but I've got bigger and better things to look forward to now other than sitting pretty much blank in front of the television for a good part of the day.

2. Art
Augh! Art and I have a love-hate relationship. I love to do it. Pretty much like I love breathing air. Only thing I hate is not having enough time to get things done. And lets not forget the bitchy mother which thinks it's a waste of time.

3. Japanese
I have to say that Japanese is the easiest foreign language that I've attempted to learn. Like most, I've been turned onto it by anime. And now that my "obsession" for brightly colored sailors and giant robots is waining, I still feel that I've got an interest in Japanese culture and language. I like most people who study Japanese have a desire to visit the country one day sometime soon. (though I kind of lack the funds to do so) And I'd really like to see the touristy sites such as temples and such. What I would REALLY like to do though is take the roads less traveled and see where I end up. I'd imagine that like with any foreign country visited, there would be some really nice gems waiting to be found.

4. Deviantart
Deviantart can kiss my ass. No, seriously. A lot of people have changed what was once a decent art community into a site thats nothing more than a waste of space on the internet. Now, maybe I'm being too harsh since there really are some good artists on the site. But it seems that every time I log on, I see nothing but generic fan and furry art all over the front page. Deviantart has not been capable of shitting out an original idea over the past few years and EVERY SINGLE YEAR the goddamn layouts get harder and harder to use. Not to mention they slow down my computer and take forever to load on this network that's already crawling on dialup-like speeds. I probably am letting deviantart's bad apples ruin the community for me, but seriously. And it's SO hard to get honest critique instead of asskissery which pisses me the fuck off. Not to mention I find my friends using Deviantart as a myspace-like medium where they tend to post about how their lives are at a screeching halt because they've got it oh so very bad. Those posts are usually followed by pats on the ass and a whole shitton of emoticons. But hey... My friends like to play "dress up" online and mask their real personas with some fabrication of themselves.

5. Forums
Forums... I go through fad phases with forums. I never stay on one forum for long. I dont know why. Discussion is good, yes. But I tend to grow tired of them sometimes and move onto the next best thing. This has been happening repeatedly since the closure of PSOtaku which was coincidentally the first Forum I ever joined and posted on.

Wow...
Lack of exercise is making me feel like shit. I bet that probably explains this awkward soreness I have and this really bad cramping I'm starting to get all over my body? I mean... What else could it be?

Oh and I think I'm in love...



This guy has some pretty nice stuff.

So somehow I've managed not to write anything once again for a few months now. My lj is looking a bit dry with the public entries so I figured why not make one just to make one. Things are going okay with me. Yeah. I haven't been to the gym in a good month or so now and I feel like I've fallen off the wagon. I've got like... 25 more lbs to lose by summer which is pretty nice but yeah... I'm leaving things half way done once again. Don't ask me why I do that. A loathing for perfection? I have no idea. Though yeah... I think I'm going to start posting my sketches on here and shit. Uhh... Yeah... I need to get photoshop on this machine. So yeah... Boredom strikes again. I'm in the "student lounge" at NOVA's Arlington Center. Here for Japanese 201 and shit... My god I can't finish a thought



EDIT: AUGH! These hardcore weeaboos behind me are getting on my last fucking nerve. They don't have the decency to turn their Disney music shit down and I cant hear my own music with my headphones on. Sometimes people just annoy the shit out of me. And I'm sure this entire floor can hear it too.